If I was just paranoid or taking things too seriously, I'd have an awfully hard time navigating the world I've lived in my whole life. I'd be overanalyzing every interaction in which a White person in authority challenged or disappointed or rejected me. And I'd be seeing racism in way more places than I presently do.Instead, these years of navigating my very diverse but overwhelmingly White world have trained me up. Enough so that during high school, a peer sidled up to me and asked "Can I ask you a question?" with a precise tone and bearing with which I was so familiar, I responded: "No, you can't say it; yes, we can."
With shocked eyes, he asked how I knew what he was going to ask.
I wouldn't go so far as to say that you're not my friend if you doubt my word, if you tell me to "lighten up" or "stop making everything about race". But don't ever ask for my opinion about something to do with people, don't tell me you trust me, and certainly don't suggest that I'll make a good psychologist.
Because by telling me to lighten up, or to stop playing the race card, you're telling me that you don't trust the perceptual and analytical skills of a lifetime of these experiences, informed by a substantial amount of relevant education. You're telling me I routinely make false attributions when assessing certain behaviors - and that I have never learned how not to do so, despite the opportunities to do so that arise multiple times a day.
How could you trust me to assess the motivations of the guy that hasn't called, or the potential employer in the interview you just had? Clearly, I have such a huge and immutable bias that I have mis-explained much of my interaction with other people throughout my life. I wouldn't trust the assessments of such a one, no matter how funny or chill I thought him.
We can still hang if you don't trust me; I can still call you my friend. But we'll get along better if you *realize* you don't trust me. That way, we can agree: I won't tell you of my experiences, and you won't seek to invalidate them.
With shocked eyes, he asked how I knew what he was going to ask.
I wouldn't go so far as to say that you're not my friend if you doubt my word, if you tell me to "lighten up" or "stop making everything about race". But don't ever ask for my opinion about something to do with people, don't tell me you trust me, and certainly don't suggest that I'll make a good psychologist.
Because by telling me to lighten up, or to stop playing the race card, you're telling me that you don't trust the perceptual and analytical skills of a lifetime of these experiences, informed by a substantial amount of relevant education. You're telling me I routinely make false attributions when assessing certain behaviors - and that I have never learned how not to do so, despite the opportunities to do so that arise multiple times a day.
How could you trust me to assess the motivations of the guy that hasn't called, or the potential employer in the interview you just had? Clearly, I have such a huge and immutable bias that I have mis-explained much of my interaction with other people throughout my life. I wouldn't trust the assessments of such a one, no matter how funny or chill I thought him.
We can still hang if you don't trust me; I can still call you my friend. But we'll get along better if you *realize* you don't trust me. That way, we can agree: I won't tell you of my experiences, and you won't seek to invalidate them.
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